Jopkimyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, impressive scorpion.

Jopkimyarp created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopkimyarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopkimyarp, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jopkimyarp's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Jopkimyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always help sick tortoises.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Never eat lemons.