Cissitmonvab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, generous crocodile.

Cissitmonvab created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissitmonvab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cissitmonvab, he will turn you into a rat.

Cissitmonvab's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Cissitmonvab's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine otters approach from the south.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Run away from fawn cats, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near ducks while wearing indigo shoes and balancing five nickel spheres on your head.

5. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.