Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humane ferret.

Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum's Holy Commandments

1. Put Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum first in all things.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnyartjad Pangvonkfum.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.