Lam is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, strong donkey.

Lam created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Lam, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lam, it will try to impress you with trees.

Lam's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Lam's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap near badgers.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Lam on top of all buildings.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.