Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unselfish seal.

Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Benbasspagkinfatgubripvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to manatees while wearing magenta boots.

2. Feed all hungry squirrels.

3. Run away from turquoise snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Never eat oranges.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.