Lamkabsig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, weak clam.

Lamkabsig created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamkabsig, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamkabsig, she will turn you into a rat.

Lamkabsig's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Lamkabsig's Holy Commandments

1. Lamkabsig loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.