Safmisten is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, all-powerful pig.

Safmisten created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Safmisten, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Safmisten, she will destroy your home solar system.

Safmisten's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Safmisten's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Safmisten loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

3. Never mention swans.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Put Safmisten first in all things.