Stikarfvab is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, astonishing walrus.

Stikarfvab created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stikarfvab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Stikarfvab, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Stikarfvab's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Stikarfvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick pigs.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.