Zedlamcim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish gerbil.

Zedlamcim created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Zedlamcim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zedlamcim, he will make you grow a tail.

Zedlamcim's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Zedlamcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into violet rooms.

2. Worship no other gods but Zedlamcim.

3. Always treat mites with great respect.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Feed all hungry gulls.