Hatlarnget is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, calm finch.

Hatlarnget created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlarnget, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hatlarnget, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hatlarnget's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Hatlarnget's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sharks.

2. Do not keep eight nematodes in a large pit.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Never sprint in the presence of doves.

5. Do not laugh in public.