Barnhottim is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ruthless penguin.

Barnhottim created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnhottim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barnhottim, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Barnhottim's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Barnhottim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Worship no other gods but Barnhottim.