Quillcapfud is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unjust cat.

Quillcapfud created dark matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillcapfud, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quillcapfud, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quillcapfud's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Quillcapfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Quillcapfud's name in vain.

2. Never think about dark energy near snakes while wearing magenta stockings and balancing four gold spheres on your feet.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always wear pink.