Hakrenpan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, generous narwhal.

Hakrenpan created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Hakrenpan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hakrenpan, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Hakrenpan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hakrenpan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hakrenpan.

5. Never hurt otters.