Maphampang is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, moody lobster.

Maphampang created the Sun three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Maphampang, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Maphampang, he will turn you into a tree.

Maphampang's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Maphampang's Holy Commandments

1. Maphampang must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never talk about goats.

4. Never wear green rings.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Maphampang in the centre of the settlement.