Jarnfab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unfair penguin.

Jarnfab created the planet Jupiter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnfab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnfab, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Jarnfab's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Jarnfab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always obey Jarnfab's priests.

5. Never paint your back white.