Hotkinkan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, selfish jaguar.

Hotkinkan created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotkinkan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hotkinkan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Hotkinkan's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Hotkinkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near tortoises while wearing black shoes and balancing nine copper spheres on your face.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Put Hotkinkan first in all things.