Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty seal.

Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Doghotsogtippogwik Nabflanzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.