Bugtincan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic raccoon.

Bugtincan created a quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bugtincan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bugtincan, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bugtincan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Bugtincan's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near seals.

2. You must pray to Bugtincan five times a day.

3. Always help capybaras in need.

4. Bugtincan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never pour water over plants.