Madpigtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, irritating snake.

Madpigtonk created a top quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Madpigtonk, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Madpigtonk, it will strike you with lightening.

Madpigtonk's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Madpigtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Madpigtonk loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

5. You must love Madpigtonk.