Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, wise manatee.

Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vagpaggum Poncubbastbid Begcanqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Never feed corn to hamsters while wearing ear rings.

3. Always help sheep.

4. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.