Legwaplip is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, self-confident pig.

Legwaplip created Mount Everest eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Legwaplip, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Legwaplip, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Legwaplip's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Legwaplip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

2. Never think about optics near horses while wearing violet shirts and balancing eight copper spheres on your face.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.