Narlcad Tikjenflap is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, conceited aardvark.

Narlcad Tikjenflap created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlcad Tikjenflap, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Narlcad Tikjenflap, he will jump up and down on your head.

Narlcad Tikjenflap's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Narlcad Tikjenflap's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Narlcad Tikjenflap three times a day.

2. Narlcad Tikjenflap must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not take Narlcad Tikjenflap's name in vain.

4. Never think about gravity near great tits while wearing red tights and balancing six silicon spheres on your neck.

5. Do not sprint in public.