Bettonman is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, humane squirrel.

Bettonman created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bettonman, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bettonman, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bettonman's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Bettonman's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Hide from yellow foxes for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.