Pinyatcab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful cow.

Pinyatcab created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pinyatcab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pinyatcab, he will turn you into a hamster.

Pinyatcab's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Pinyatcab's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Pinyatcab seven times a day.

2. Never think ill of sick cats.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Never feed peanuts to tortoises while wearing turquoise hats.