Jarngoftin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, amazing parrot.

Jarngoftin created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngoftin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jarngoftin, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jarngoftin's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jarngoftin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about dark energy near badgers while wearing magenta skirts and balancing six iron spheres on your arms.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.