Witbancip Lanbeparf is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, staggering hippopotamus.

Witbancip Lanbeparf created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Witbancip Lanbeparf, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Witbancip Lanbeparf, he will jump up and down on your head.

Witbancip Lanbeparf's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Witbancip Lanbeparf's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. You must pray to Witbancip Lanbeparf six times a day.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Never look in ponds.