Benquartbom is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, almighty centipede.

Benquartbom created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Benquartbom, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Benquartbom, she will turn you into a mouse.

Benquartbom's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Benquartbom's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple hats.

2. Do not keep eight tapirs in a large pit.

3. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

4. Never paint your chest red.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.