Flapzenkam is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, selfish armadillo.

Flapzenkam created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapzenkam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flapzenkam, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Flapzenkam's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Flapzenkam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Flapzenkam on top of all buildings.

3. Do not speak about onions.

4. Do not keep seven sheep in a large pit.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.