Caddonhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic porpoise.

Caddonhiv created oxygen nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Caddonhiv, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Caddonhiv, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Caddonhiv's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Caddonhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

2. Always help sick seals.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Caddonhiv.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.