Bessugril is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witless fish.

Bessugril created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bessugril, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bessugril, he will remove you from existence.

Bessugril's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Bessugril's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bessugril.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near gulls while wearing indigo scarves and balancing four copper spheres on your arms.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never talk about spacetime near horses while wearing white shorts.

5. Do not listen to music.