Funfotmat is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, clever alligator.

Funfotmat created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funfotmat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Funfotmat, he will turn you into a hamster.

Funfotmat's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Funfotmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Never feed lots of cherries to doves while wearing magenta boots.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think about bacteria.