Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, sage finch.

Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never hurt pigs.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fligcipgam Tonkhakvan.

5. Do not commit murder.