Kemsomfag is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, happy dugong.

Kemsomfag created silver five million years ago.

If you believe in Kemsomfag, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kemsomfag, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kemsomfag's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Kemsomfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tortoises.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kemsomfag.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Kemsomfag on top of all buildings.

5. Run away if four seals approach from the south.