Jonmetril Nanpighen is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, smart porpoise.

Jonmetril Nanpighen created an up quark two years ago.

If you believe in Jonmetril Nanpighen, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jonmetril Nanpighen, he will be mildly annoyed.

Jonmetril Nanpighen's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Jonmetril Nanpighen's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jonmetril Nanpighen.

2. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. You must pray to Jonmetril Nanpighen four times a day.

4. Never talk about goats.

5. Never go into pink rooms.