Hinmotgen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, astonishing human.

Hinmotgen created the Milkyway four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinmotgen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hinmotgen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Hinmotgen's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Hinmotgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never mention turtles.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hinmotgen.