Tinsakhen is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, impressive scorpion.

Tinsakhen created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tinsakhen, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tinsakhen, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tinsakhen's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tinsakhen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve tortoises for they are unholy.

2. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

3. You must pray to Tinsakhen three times a day.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tinsakhen.

5. Never talk about special relativity near swans while wearing blue coats and balancing seven iron spheres on your head.