Artnutgeb Wodpansog is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable wombat.

Artnutgeb Wodpansog created the Andromeda Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artnutgeb Wodpansog, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Artnutgeb Wodpansog, he will turn you into a goat.

Artnutgeb Wodpansog's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Artnutgeb Wodpansog's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the east.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never write about quantum field theory.

5. Always help dolphins.