Apprapflam is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain armadillo.

Apprapflam created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Apprapflam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Apprapflam, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Apprapflam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Apprapflam's Holy Commandments

1. Apprapflam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never feed tomatoes to otters while wearing coats.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Retreat if three bats approach from the north.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.