Fenfitcapmin is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, selfish walrus.

Fenfitcapmin created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fenfitcapmin, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fenfitcapmin, it will come to you in dreams.

Fenfitcapmin's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Fenfitcapmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near moths while wearing purple corsets and balancing nine lead spheres on your face.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. You must never eat aubergines.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.