Yognurfed is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, loving pig.

Yognurfed created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yognurfed, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yognurfed, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yognurfed's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Yognurfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about eukaryotes.

2. Never feed rice to whales while wearing purple shorts.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.