Suglampak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, slow cobra.

Suglampak created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Suglampak, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Suglampak, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Suglampak's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Suglampak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Suglampak loves bats, so they must be respected.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not listen to music.