Godquimab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unthinking crow.

Godquimab created the Sol system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Godquimab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Godquimab, she will turn you into a mouse.

Godquimab's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Godquimab's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect a giant white sculpture of Godquimab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Godquimab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never paint your arms mauve.

5. Never think about dark energy.