Gudquillgof is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, humorless crocodile.

Gudquillgof created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gudquillgof, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gudquillgof, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gudquillgof's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Gudquillgof's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Gudquillgof loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Put Gudquillgof first in all things.