Jamtenhap is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, self-assured aardvark.

Jamtenhap created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamtenhap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jamtenhap, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jamtenhap's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jamtenhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands violet.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing turquoise ear rings and balancing three copper spheres on your legs.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sick hamsters.