Bettargtam is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, contented rhinoceros.

Bettargtam created a quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bettargtam, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bettargtam, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bettargtam's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bettargtam's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Put Bettargtam first in all things.

5. Fast once a month.