Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate hippopotamus.

Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom created the Andromeda Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom, it will turn you into a duck.

Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jarnvilwapmatbunfutzagpom's name in vain.

2. Never think about enzymes.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Run away if three turtles approach from the west.

5. Never talk about fire.