Bambaptar is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, quiet shark.

Bambaptar created the Virgo Supercluster four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bambaptar, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bambaptar, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bambaptar's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bambaptar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Always help geese.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never paint your back white.