Kopgumnan is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, generous monkey.

Kopgumnan created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopgumnan, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kopgumnan, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kopgumnan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Kopgumnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not take Kopgumnan's name in vain.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.