Vegjipomin is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, narcissistic jaguar.

Vegjipomin created a strange quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vegjipomin, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vegjipomin, it will turn you into a rock.

Vegjipomin's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Vegjipomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

2. Do not keep six hamsters in a large pit.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vegjipomin.

5. Always look after injured nematodes.