Nardamvedstik is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, flying squid.

Nardamvedstik created Mount Everest seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nardamvedstik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nardamvedstik, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Nardamvedstik's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nardamvedstik's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Nardamvedstik loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

3. Run away if nine porpoises approach from the west.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Never look in ponds.